so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
