I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
