my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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