I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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