sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
