hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
