You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
