very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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