i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
