you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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