i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
