I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
