just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
