I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
