we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
