Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am available for nakedness
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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