Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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