how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
MIDGETS
????
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
