this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
