Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
