matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
