This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
