I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
