You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Less talking, more tequila
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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