Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
