normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
