Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
