this boner is exhausting
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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