he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
