so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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