I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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