i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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