Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
