i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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