Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
