it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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