from now on my penis is your penis
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
