Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
