so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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