Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
