did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
