I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
