My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
