Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well I just put wine in my tea
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
