I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
