this beer tastes like vomit already
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
