I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
