he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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