I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
