:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
