TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
