As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
