The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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