so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
