I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
