everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
