a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
