Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
