i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
